If you haven’t stopped by Stuff Christians Like you’ve got to check it out at least once. It has got to be one of the most clever and humorous sites out there in the blogosphere. Although I wouldn’t say I can relate to the post below I have definitely seen this reflected on Facebook.
Step 1: Your Name
Don’t just use your name on your profile. Calling yourself “Mary” or “Tim” doesn’t do anything for the Lord. Name your profile something like, “Forgiven1” or “WashedinBlood.” Better yet, name yourself after a Bible verse so that when you send someone a message, even if they don’t open it they will see they got a note from “ForGodSoLovedtheWorld.”
Step 2: Status
On Facebook, you can put a little message by your name, allowing people to know where you are or what you’re doing. Don’t just say something like “Matt is stressed out from finals.” Write something a little longer like, “Matt is stuck in the moment, the moment when my eyes will look up to the Son, the Son that’s always been there for me, arms around my life, for now and evermore.”
Step 3: Photos
Only posts photos from church events. And if your church goes to the beach, or the devil’s sandbox as it were, make sure you wear a tankini.
Step 4: Quotes
If you don’t have a quote from CS Lewis on your profile page, I’m not sure you’re a Christian. You better get right with God and add at least three or four.
Step 5: Groups
The other day someone invited me to join the “Recovering Alcoholics” group on Facebook. That was a weird request as I am not an alcoholic. I have friends that are and I sometimes speak at rehab clinics, but still, weird thing to assume. For the most part though joining a group is a great way to show your allegiance to God. Join as many as you can. Better yet, create your own.
Step 6: Applications
I hate the applications. Everyday someone is inviting me to “download the virtual cobbler! Make your own virtual shoes that you can sell.” But there has to be a good Christian application, something that lets you count up the number of people you’ve told about God or make your own Jesus fish.
Step 7: Notes
Use the notes section as a way to recap in long, long detail the sermon you heard on Sunday. Spare no detail. And when you do post the note, tag all yor friends so that they’ll get that little “hey you have a notification” status update. Good stuff.
Step 8: Profile Photo
What, you were just going to use a photo of yourself? You sweaty Philistine. Use a cross or a dove or better yet, a Jesus fish kicking the darwin fish in the face.